Night at the Museum
by backseat compromises
Summary: Alfred and Arthur are security guards in the Unlikely Non-museum. Theft and vandalism start occurring during their shift and when they find the culprit's in the building with them on Halloween night, hijinks and love ensue. Night at the Museum-ish. HIATUS
1. prologue

**prologue**

"Hey Artie," Alfred F. Jones yelled as he waved at his partner.

Bushy eyebrows knit themselves together as the shorter blonde glared at him. "How many times do I have to remind you, you bloody git," Arthur Kirkland glared at the American. "DO NOT CALL ME ARTIE!"

Alfred laughed, slapping the Englishman's back hard in a friendly gesture.

Arthur yelped and choked on his cup of Earl Grey Tea. He could not believe that the both of them were security guards, partners on the night shift in the Unlikely Non-museum, owned by a mysterious tycoon whose identity no one knew.

A short, blonde man entered the room, shaking his head.

"Tino?" Alfred asked, frowning. "Something wrong?"

Tino Väinämöinen looked up at the duo. "As you both know, we have the Mona Elisaveta in the house tonight. Be careful."

Arthur sighed. "So I've heard. It seems that vandalism and theft have been occurring most often during our shift," he inclined his head towards Alfred and he nodded in acknowledgement.

"It is most unfortunate and disconcerting," the Finn undid his tie. "All the best for tonight. We're counting on you."

"Of course! I've got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night," Alfred flashed the other two guards a grin, which Arthur ignored and Tino tried to return. "After all, I'm a hero!"

Arthur rolled his emerald green eyes as his watch started beeping. "Time to face the villains, Alfred," he set his cup of tea down, picked up his huge torchlight and slipped a palm sized device into his pocket.

"You got it!" Alfred bounded after the shorter man, not knowing how bizarre the night would turn out to be...

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**a/n: **_(edit 22/10/2010: so today i found out that i can't de-anon for a hetalia kink meme. but well, the idea for this fic came from there, so i'll just acknowledge it, in any case) _meme found here - http : / / hetalia-kink . livejournal . com / 10530 . html?thread = 16270370 # t16270370 , yup. hope you guys like this, do review! ((: _(2nd edit: if you read this before, it was originally **japan/kiku** that arthur and alfred was talking to, but i have plans for him later on, so i changed it to finland/tino. yup!)_


	2. chapter one

**a/n: **hands up if you thought the prologue should've come with the first chapter! well anyway thank you **Helisse** for the review, ah yes, Mona Elizaveta's smile~ LOL. anyway, hope y'all enjoy this chapter!

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**this is chapter one, our story's just begun.**

"I hear footsteps," Arthur said in monotone, cutting across the fields from the Guard Office to the actual building of the Unlikely Non-Museum.

"I-I know," Alfred replied, doing his best to catch up with Arthur. He heard it too and he did not wish to know what it was, afraid that it would be a... Ghost. He gulped as he shuddered, trying to rid his might of the awful thought as he fell into step with the Englishman.

Three fingers ghosted across the American's shoulder and he shrieked.

"God, America, must you be so bloody loud?" Arthur turned to glare at the strawberry blonde when he caught sight of the man behind him. "Vash," he nodded, acknowledging the presence of the Swiss.

"Vash?" Alfred asked incredulously and whirled around to face the other blonde. "You scared the hell out of me!"

Vash Zwingly shrugged as he reached for his messenger bag and pulled out two pistols. "Here," he handed them to the duo, who stared at him, confused.

"What's this for?" Arthur frowned, weighing the weapon in his palm. It was fairly light, but at the same time, the cool metal barrel and the matte black of the trigger made him shiver inside.

"Protection," the Swiss smiled. "Against the perp. Don't worry, they're loaded with tranquillisers. Don't want any blood in our peace loving museum, no?"

The American and Englishman heaved a collective sigh of relief.

"And this," Vash handed a memory card to Arthur. "Liechtenstein managed to modify the sensors because the perp shut down the heat sensors last night. Motion sensors should do the trick if he tries to do it again."

"She's a genius," Arthur patted Vash's shoulder, to which a slight blush graced his cheeks.

"Why are you giving it to him anyway," Alfred grumbled, annoyed that even though both him and Arthur were using the same device that allowed them to monitor the Museum, Vash had passed the software update to the latter.

"He's more reliable," the Swiss answered, to which the American scowled. "Well, I should be going. Its late. All the best, this is the only night the Mona Elizaveta is spending here. We wouldn't want her heart to be stolen, would we?" he smiled cryptically and left, leaving Arthur and Alfred to wonder what he meant.

The duo walked in silence as they took turns updating their Unlikely Non-Museum Security Coverage device. When the heat sensors crashed during their patrol the night before, they were unable to check for other heat sources in the building. The American had thus decided that it would be better that they stayed at the front counter and grudgingly, the Englishman agreed, not willing to 'venture out into the unknown', so as to speak, without knowing if they had human company, although it was mostly him acquiescing to the true reason behind Alfred's decision - the fact that he was afraid of _ghosts_.

The Unlikely Non-Museum housed a bunch of oddities that, when put together and put on display, really deserved the title of the 'Unlikely Non-Museum'. It had paintings, statues, mummified aliens, dolls, model aeroplanes, wax figures... The list went on and none of the items actually linked to one another. The building had five storeys, two basement levels as well as a secret third basement level that none of the security guards ever patrolled due to the technology protecting it - the owner had pulled out all stops in order to ensure that it was an impregnable fortress.

"Hey England," Alfred reverted to calling the Englishman by the initial nickname he had given him the very first time they met. "What do you think the perp's really after?"

Arthur shrugged. "He's... As random as the collection goes," he conceded, thinking about the items that the perpetrator had stolen and vandalised. A painting of a blonde cupid was slashed, a wax figure of a famous musician and another of a lesser known actor, a train set and a ruby necklace had been stolen. Nothing made sense. It wasn't as if the figures were particularly valuable, in any case. Neither were the train set or the ruby necklace - in fact, the necklace was really plastic jewellery, used on the set of some B grade slasher flick.

The American nodded as they locked the main entrance to the Museum. There were two other exits to secure and in twenty minutes, the display lights would go out as they were programmed to at midnight. "Jeez I hate this shift, the bones there always freak me out at night," Alfred gestured to a glass box beside the reception. It housed bone fragments found in the field they had just crossed and although archaeologists frequently came to examine it, none of them could identify its source. There were rumours that they actually came alive and moved around at night, trying to locate the rest of the skeleton but no one, especially the strawberry blonde, actually stuck around to verify it.

The Englishman rolled his emerald eyes. "Come on America, let's go, there's not much time left before lights out."

Alfred shivered under his bomber jacket that he wore on top of his uniform. Somehow the temperature of the Unlikely Non-Museum always seemed to dip during his shift and he did not wish to know why. It definitely had nothing to do with the air conditioning.

The duo got to the left entrance in five minutes and Arthur stopped in his tracks momentarily, seeing something lying on the ground, causing Alfred to bump into him, nearly knocking him off balance.

"Alfred you git, would you watch where you're going?" Arthur demanded as he walked towards the mysterious object on the ground which looked suspiciously like a... Corpse.

"Like you're one to talk, who's the one who suddenly stopped in the middle of-" Alfred's jaw dropped as he saw the body on the ground. "Oh God no, don't tell me..." he felt his stomach churn as he linked the thought of 'dead body' with 'ghost'.

Arthur kicked the body and there was a loud 'Oof!' as it got up, rubbing its back.

"Zombie!" Alfred cried, horrified, pushing up his spectacles, unable to believe what he was seeing.

"Hey Arthur," the body said sleepily, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"Heracles," Arthur sighed. "Why are you sleeping in the middle of nowhere," his eyes narrowed.

"Sorry," the Greek mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Fell asleep. Tino's gone?"

"Yeah," Alfred nodded and laughed shakily. "Damn, I thought you were a zombie!"

Heracles smiled sheepishly. "Nah, had a couple of rough nights. Told Tino I was leaving early, so maybe that's why he didn't check if I was still around. Fell asleep in the chair there," he gestured towards a broken wooden chair. "Er, looks like I broke it. Will clean it up."

"Its not like Tino to ignore your presence if the heat sensors are up and running," Arthur examined the map of the first floor on his security device and true enough, it reflected three heat sources - the three security guards. "He probably wanted to let you rest... As well as to exercise some restraint on your nightly activities," a bushy eyebrow twitched as he slipped the device back into his pocket.

"I suppose," the brunette nodded. "Well, I'll be off," he picked up the remains of the chair as he headed for the main entrance.

"Its locked!" Alfred called out and Heracles turned around.

"Oh yeah, that's why you guys are here. Can't believe I forgot," the Greek nodded. "Good luck guys, tonight will be hell..." he waved as the automatic glass doors opened and he left the building.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Alfred yelled after him, but there was no answer. He turned to Arthur. "England?"

The Englishman stared ahead blankly, oblivious to the American's words.

"England!" Alfred grabbed Arthur by his shoulders and shook him hard, awakening him from his reverie.

There was an almost maniacal gleam in his emerald eyes. Alfred backed away slowly, not knowing what to make of his partner's strange expression.

"Of course America, how could we forget?" he looked up, grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Oh how the American hated the way Disney had animated the dreaded creature.

"What is it," Alfred asked in a terrified whisper.

"Today's October the 31st. What do you think?"

The American felt his knees turn into Jell-O as he put his hand on the Englishman's shoulder. "England, I think I'm going to faint."

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**a/n:** halloween's coming soon, so's my birthday (two days before lol) and meh, my country isn't in hetalia... the tiny bit of consolation i have is cos i'm 5/8 chinese, 1/8 dutch, 1/4 peranakan, at least china and netherlands are in it? lol logic phailz. err this is just random. anyway. the Unlikely Non-Museum was me attempting to make it fit the UN, the security device to fit the UNSC, no prizes for guessing. well folks, the night is still young, stick around, the real trouble begins the next chapter~ in the meantime, review, thanks!


	3. chapter two

**a/n: **thanks a lot to **Helisse**, **Charbus** and **Peirl **for the lovely reviews! yes i'll be taking your requests and will be writing them in soon~

**

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this is chapter two, man, she's beautiful.**

"You git," Arthur glared at Alfred. "Don't you dare faint. I'm not going to be able to lug you around later. You're too heavy."

"Well, yeah, I suppose," the American managed a shaky laugh as the two security guards secured the last exit. "So, now what?"

"Now we-"

A loud chime signifying midnight interrupted Arthur and the lights went out. Alfred screamed and clung on to Arthur's arm, much to the latter's embarrassment.

"Get off, Alfred, you're killing the circulation in my arm!" Arthur tried to shake Alfred off him, annoyed.

"No! What if there really _are_ ghosts!" Alfred shook his head and clung tighter, fear evident in his voice.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Boo!" he said suddenly and Alfred shrieked again.

"What was that?"

Arthur was certain his hand would have to be amputated when the night was over. "What the hell is your torch for, you git?" he demanded. "And that was me. Sheesh."

There was a loud crash and the duo jumped.

"Arthur, why is your butt making a weird beeping sound?" Alfred stared at Arthur's behind, where Arthur had placed his security device in the back pocket of his jeans.

"Shut up," Arthur muttered hotly as he took the device out. "Why the hell isn't yours beeping anyway, you didn't switch it off?"

"Well um, actually... I kinda... Broke it..." the American said sheepishly, causing Arthur to groan.

"Bollocks," Arthur rolled his green eyes and his jaw dropped as he looked at the number of alerts he was receiving from the motion sensors. It was increasing exponentially, except the heat sensors weren't detecting anything. "Fuck, Alfred, let's go," he grabbed his partner's arm and dragged him up the stairs, coming face to face immediately with a blond who looked somewhat like Alfred.

"Doppelgänger?" Alfred looked at the blond, horrified and fell to the ground immediately in a faint.

Arthur was horrified. He looked at the blond, who was dressed in winter attire, back at Alfred, who was unconscious on the floor and back at the blond again. His eyes narrowed. "Who the hell are you. You look bloody familiar."

"Um, I'm Matthew Williams, I'm an... E-explorer," Matthew stammered, looking embarrassed.

"Bloody hell," Arthur swore. "You're a damn exhibit."

"Well, um, yeah... Wow, you're taking things pretty well," Matthew wiped at the goggles that he was wearing and took them off. "The last pair of security guards fainted on the spot..."

Arthur looked at Alfred and rolled his eyes. "That's because I can see spirits. You don't seem like one though."

"Um yeah, technically I'm not..." Matthew shuffled his feet. "You see, we can only come alive once a year, on Halloween night, so... Its something like a curse, but we really treasure it. I mean, to be alive after we're dead again!"

Arthur's eyebrow twitched. No wonder he was hired in November, the previous pair of guards must have quit their jobs the day after.

Sensing Arthur's mild discomfort and irritation, Matthew switched the subject. "Well um, i-is he alive?" he asked, gesturing towards Alfred, curious.

"Good question," Arthur put a finger under Alfred's nose, only to find that the latter's breathing was awfully shallow. "Oh great, I think he's barely alive."

"Y-you could always perform C-CPR," Matthew offered.

Arthur looked at him, horrified. "When did you die?" he asked.

Matthew shrugged. "Couple of years back. I was an explorer, says so on the board beside me," he stretched.

"Oh fine, CPR it is then, guess we wouldn't want anyone dying here," he grumbled as he leaned forward and put his hands on Alfred's chest. He found it surprisingly well built underneath his security guard uniform, which comprised of a navy blue blazer, a white dress shirt, a black tie and navy blue trousers and strangely, he could feel his heart rate increasing as he tried to perform CPR on Alfred. "Um..." he pressed down slowly, pumping it the way he had seen people do on television. It wasn't the best that anyone could've done, but he tried anyway.

"I-I think you've got to press his nose too to get the air in or something," Matthew added and Arthur felt his cheeks heat up as he knew where it was getting to.

The sandy blonde took a deep breath as he pinched Alfred's nose and opened his mouth. His lips nearly brushed against his when Alfred made a choking noise.

"You bloody git!" Arthur yelled, backing away immediately as Alfred sat up, awake and coughing. "You didn't really faint, did you?"

Alfred's cheeks were pink. "I fainted alright!" he glared at Arthur and pouted as Arthur fumed away, causing Matthew to giggle, which directed Alfred's attention to the explorer. "GHOST!" he screamed and ran to hide behind Arthur immediately.

Matthew jumped, shocked by Alfred's sudden outburst. "I-I'm not a ghost," he shook his head. "I'm one of the museum's exhibits, I'm the wax figure..." he pointed to the glass case which had been his home for the 5 years he had spent in the museum.

Alfred's sapphire eyes narrowed as he looked at the glass case, then at Matthew. "Then where's your polar bear?"

Matthew's eyes widened in horror. "Kumamiro!" he panicked. "Have you seen him?"

Arthur and Alfred shook their head in unison.

"Oh great, now I have to look for Kumarimo again..." Matthew pouted. "See you guys around..." he ran off before the duo could say a word.

"Why are these guys alive again?" Alfred asked, terror evident on his face.

"Halloween," Arthur shuddered. "Let's just hope we'll get out of this alive."

"You sure its not one of those nasty black magic thingies that you did?" Alfred asked sceptically, gawking at a random chimpanzee on a skateboard moving past.

Arthur looked offended. "Of course not, you git!"

There was another loud beep on Arthur's device and he groaned, inspecting the screen. A triumphant grin spread across his face as he turned to Alfred.

"The perp is in the house?" Alfred asked.

The Englishman nodded and narrowed his emerald eyes at the portrait of a scrawny girl, who waved at him, batting her eyelashes in what he supposed she thought was a seductive manner.

There was a strum of a shamisen and Alfred and Arthur exchanged worried glances. Music was never played in the museum and momentarily forgetting about the perpetrator, they ran towards the Asian section of the museum.

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"What are you doing, Yong Soo-san!"

"ALL YOUR BREASTS ARE BELONG TO MEEEE!"

Arthur and Alfred stared at the spectacle in front of the both of them - a tall man with short black hair with a flyaway curl on the right side of his head was chasing a shorter female around. She had short black hair as well, her face was painted white with make up and her lips were painted red. She held a shamisen on her left hand as she tried to avoid the man, who apparently, was named Yong Soo.

"Um hello guys, did you see any suspicious looking characters around?" Alfred asked.

The two stopped chasing each other and turned to face the two security guards.

"Wait... Aren't the both of you wax figures or something too?" Alfred asked slowly in disbelief.

Arthur shook his head. "Yes Alfred, they are. Now be a good boy and stop staring," he patted Alfred's shoulder, hoping he wouldn't get a panic attack of shorts and faint again.

Alfred stared at the duo. "What are you doing to her?" he asked Yong Soo, frowning.

Arthur groaned. "Now now Alfred, be a good boy, leave them alone, we have a perp to catch, remember?"

"I'm not female!" the girl looked at Alfred, mortified.

It was now Alfred's turn to look mortified. "You're male?" he gaped at her, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.

Arthur sighed. It was going to be a long, long night. At least they had already secured all the exits. He frowned. If they had already secured all the exits, how did the perp get in? Unless...

"I'm sorry, I'm Kiku Honda, nice to meet you," Kiku bowed and turned to Yong Soo. "This is Im Yong Soo."

Yong Soo was nowhere to be found and Kiku heaved a sigh, glad that the man was no longer present.

"Um, as you were saying just now?" Kiku cocked his head to the left.

"Well yeah, have you seen any suspicious looking characters around?" Alfred's voice dropped to a low whisper, as if he was sharing some secret he wasn't supposed to spread.

Arthur connected the dots slowly - all it meant was that Tino and Heracles had slipped up somewhere, either that or there was really a secret entrance... He looked at his security device and desperately searched amongst the programs for the one concerning the heat sensors.

"Um, I think so, there was a man with huge black boots and he was wearing a mask, he went that way..." Kiku looked worriedly further into the Asian section of the museum. "He may have gone into the hall of mirrors..."

The American gulped in horror as Im Yong Soo appeared out of nowhere, suddenly popping up in front of him.

"I have to go, see you around!" Kiku called out as he ran away, with Yong Soo in pursuit.

"Err, Arthur?" Alfred looked quite shaken from his encounter with the two wax figures but the fact that they weren't ghosts but merely exhibits that had come alive comforted him.

Arthur looked up at Alfred fearfully. "I think the perp's in the Hall of Mirrors," he echoed Kiku's sentiments.

Alfred's night just got very much worse.

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**a/n: **lol Japan was supposed to be a maiko, not a geisha, anyone noticed? okay so i won't be updating until november 18th onwards, after my ib exams. in the meantime, review, request stuff and just curious - what did you, my readers, grow up with? i grew up with disney movies, the legend of king arthur and the knights of the round table, enid blyton books, noddy in toyland and err, pokemon. pretty USUK if you ask me, with a bit of Japan as well. so what did you guys grow up with? ^^


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